The Home I Want

What's on my mind? 

A prayer that Stephen prayed the other night, where he mentioned simplifying our lives this year. It's been stuck in my head ever since. I love the sound of that. I want that for my life and I think in a year I can make some good strides towards it, especially now that Benji is older and doesn't need as much constant attention.

I want a home that inspires creativity and I know open space and cleanness/organization does that. I want a home that we don't have to hide away in, a home that we can leave, so that we can do the best things, like hikes and parks and adventures. I don't want a home that clings to me anymore.

I want a home that is built for learning. I want a home that leaves room for lessons--not only in academics, but in the love of God for his people.

I want a home that people feel comfortable in. I don't want a home I'm afraid to let people into. I don't want a perfect home, but I want a home where people feel like they can express themselves safely, a home that flows with forgiveness and the peace of Christ and draws attention to things above, not to earthly things.

Balance

I'm starting to understand why moms talk about finding a balance in their lives between raising their kids and pursuing their own hobbies, interests, etc.

When Micah was a baby, I poured every bit of myself into caring for him. EVERYTHING else slid.  And I was absolutely okay with it.

Then Micah got older, and I was able to start pursuing hobbies and doing "me" things with him in tow.  I remember telling my friends how great it was to start wearing makeup again, LOL.

Now I have another baby, but I've been doing the "me" things for a couple of years, with a kiddo in tow, so I am used to that kind of flow of life, and a second baby feels like an interruption of that flow--especially with a 3-year gap in between.

I guess it was such a dramatic change, and the learning curve was so steep, with a first baby, that I really had no choice but to let myself get completely consumed by motherhood so I could learn even just the basics.  Going from one baby to two babies was simply not as hard, even though I got the special challenge of reflux babies both times (lucky me!).  Maybe that was one of God's ways of forcing me to slow down and pay attention to baby #2.

I've been chasing the "me" things since Benji was born, trying to get back to that "normal" state too quickly, and I feel like maybe this is why veteran moms say the little years go too fast and to treasure them.  I wish I felt the same urgency to bond with Benji that I did with Micah. Maybe if I pray for it, God can arrest me in my powering down the path to "normal" and help me pay better attention to what's in my hands right now.

House Hunting Again

Two years after my last post, we have a two-year-old, and we're looking for houses again!  I post about Micah on Facebook, so in this blog entry I'll just focus on the house saga.

Grandma will eventually need to be moved into an assisted care facility, although we are not sure when, so we have been exploring housing options off and on.  Last weekend we found a house. Actually, we found 3 houses.  We had a terrible time deciding which one to put an offer on.  Stephen loved this house, I loved that house, we both liked this house...

After asking for advice from various places, we ended up going with the one we both liked.  It seemed to be the best compromise.  We offered asking price if they paid closing costs. They counter-offered us $1000 over asking price and up to $3000 closing costs.  After another tortuous decision-making time, we decided to take the offer.

Then we got the paperwork for the roof, and found out it's a 10-year roof that has been there for 17 years. (We were told it was a 25-year roof and had been on there for 5 years... >:-/ ) Stephen got cold feet and wanted to back out, but our realtor convinced him to do the inspections and find out what exactly we're dealing with.  So we have two roof inspectors coming next week who can also quote us the cost of replacing it if necessary, in addition to the general house inspection later that week.

And that's where we're at.

The house is a 3-bedroom, 2 bath house built in the 70s with a great-sized, totally fenced, private back yard.  The kitchen is really nice and the house has overall been kept in really good shape.  The bedrooms are kind of small.  The big detractor is that the roof is flat.  Well, it slopes up a little and then is flat.  Not a great choice for a place where it rains half the year.  Those 60s/70s homebuilders... Sometimes I just wonder what was going on in their heads.  BUT other than the roof, it's a nice house.

The other thing about the house is that it is a 40+ minute commute to Stephen's work.  Right now he has a 25-minute commute.  This is going to be a problem with any of the houses we are looking at; we got priced out of the big metropolitan hub.  Stephen is looking for jobs closer, but we may just have to deal with the long commute.

Living With Less

One thing living half-moved in to a house has taught me is that I CAN live with less.  One area I have noticed this so far is linens.  How many towels, washcloths, blankets, sheets and pillowcases does a couple actually need?  Not as many as we have, obviously, because several of our towels are still out in our garage wrapped around framed photographs and have been for almost 2 months now.  And still we manage to dry ourselves off every day after our showers.  Most of our blankets we never use--not even in winter.  Why do we have so many?  And I don't even know where the rest of our pillowcases are.  I know we have a couple dozen, mostly mine, but I only know where about 8 of them are!  We'll need even less when this pregnancy is over and I don't pad myself on all sides with pillows every night.

Clothes is another area I've noticed I can live with less in, although partly that's because I don't really care how I look right now.  What 9-months-pregnant woman does?  What is fascinating, though, is that I am way more apt to throw my clothes in the hamper when they start smelling...less than prime...than I was when I had so many shirts to choose from.  I think it's because I realize I have fewer options once things do get dirty.  With my other clothes, I was like, "Oh, this probably needs a wash.  Oh well.  I have 2 dozen other shirts to choose from."  And I'd throw the shirt back into the drawer.  And now when the clothes are IN the hamper, I'm of course more likely to get the laundry done, because, good grief, I only have 3 shirts left!  So it's been very interesting seeing how having less in general affects how I live day to day.  It's a good change.  I hope I can hang onto it and use it to motivate me to thin out my non-maternity clothes.

I can do a similar thinning out of the baby stuff I've received.  I know they dirty things up a lot more, but I really like this extra motivation to do the laundry when something is dirty and I want to incorporate it into every area of life.  I got so many crib sheets for my shower that I think I can at least start there.

I can't wait to apply this to other places.  Maybe there is hope for someone like me after all. :)

-Stephanie

2013-2014: Year of New Things

The last year or so has meant a lot of new things for us.

Back in November 2012, I lost my job as a Saturday flower delivery driver thanks to new management at the shop I worked at.  I decided it was a good time to pursue floral design at other shops.  In January 2013, I offered myself as extra holiday help at a shop down the road from our apartment and let them know I was interested in a part-time job in design in general.  They hired me for Valentine's Day and Mother's Day, and after that hired me on part-time as a designer and driver.  The first 6 months were hard as I tried to learn everything and become a better designer, and Christmas was utterly exhausting--my first 46 hour work week!  But by 2014 I was feeling really comfortable there and incredibly overwhelmed with gratitude for a good job and good coworkers and good hours.  It has been such a blessing and answer to prayer in so many ways.

Come June, though, I will be leaving, at least temporarily, to start a new phase of life: motherhood.

Stephen and I took a giant leap of faith and went off birth control back in September.  We were still in a dingy, dirty two-bedroom apartment that was, for all intents and purposes, a 1-bedroom apartment with a storage room that could absolutely not be a baby room unless something major changed.

But the Lord had His say, and we got pregnant in October, with a baby boy.  So we began another crazy journey: house-hunting for the first time in our lives.  Our budget was ridiculously small, but we were bound and determined to find a new home for this baby to live.  We searched the furthest ends of the suburbs around here for an affordable house that was also functional and safe.  There were some possibilities, and we even made an offer on one house, but the owners countered our offer and in the short time we had to decide what to do, we came to the agreement that it just was not right.

Completely discouraged by the hunt, we stopped house hunting for a while and pursued other, better apartments.  In the meantime, trying to be prepared for the worst, we bought a storage unit to move in all of our stuff from the second bedroom.  It was amazing the freedom that afforded--our apartment would have been finally livable!

But the Lord had better plans.  In March, Stephen's grandma came to us and offered up a suggestion for consideration.  She had a large house with a large master bedroom in it that could be turned into an apartment suitable to her with the installation of a kitchenette.  She would live there and we could have the rest of the house.

She left it open for us to decide, but the decision seemed pretty clear.  This felt right.  So after some talking about how it might work, we gave Grandma the go-ahead to begin constructing her back bedroom into an apartment.

Well, our lease at the apartment ended before everything could be perfected and ready, but we scooped out a place for our bed and Grandma's bed and started working together on readying the house.  It is still rather chaotic, but we all make slow progress on getting settled every day.  The baby at this point still does not have a room, but he does have a cradle in our room to stay in for the first few months, which would have been the plan anyway.

I absolutely love Grandma's neighborhood that we live in.  It is exactly the kind of neighborhood a family can feel comfortable in.  We have way, way more than we were ever hoping for while we were exploring other options.  God is truly amazing and we are truly blessed, and our little boy will be, too.

Two Important Things Learned From Marriage

A long, LONG time ago, my sister-in-law Kaile wrote a blog about 6 things she had learned in her first 6 months of marriage: http://aspects-of-me.blogspot.com/2014/02/6-things-learned-from-6-months-of.html  I enjoyed reading it and was inspired to write a similar blog reflecting on my 5 years of marriage and hoped to draw an equivalent 5 things out.

Well, I came up with two.  Very hard ones.  And had to stop there because it made me realize that there is a lot more hard learning that I still have to do.  I'm not saying that marriage is only hard lessons, but in marriage there is an awful lot of self-sacrifice, which for Christians is simultaneously the most difficult and most necessary lesson we will have to learn.

The tough lesson of self-sacrifice comes even more into play when two become three, and marriage becomes not just marriage but parenting--which is the milestone Steve and I will be hitting in the next 5-6 weeks when our little guy enters the world.

So I figured I better post what I've got before Baby Boy arrives and I have a whole new phase of self-sacrifice to learn and it's even harder to finish things I've started.  :)

So here are two of the most important lessons I've learned in my 5 years of marriage.

1. Communicate, even when it's hard.  This was a hard one for me to learn.  I grew up believing with all my heart that negative emotions should not be shared with others.  And that conflicts were best handled by not handling them at all.  To say that my husband did not grow up believing these things would be an understatement.  Our worst, longest, most brutal nights in our first years consisted of a horrible cycle: I got upset, I shut my mouth, Stephen tried to pry everything out of me, and the harder he pried, the deeper I dove into anger, pain, silence, and resentment at him for prying.

To this day, when through a conversation my deepest negative emotions are brought to the surface for all to see, I'm still reminded of The Chronicles of Narnia, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when Aslan takes his claws to Eustace's scaly exterior and removes his layers upon layers of dragon skin.  It is an extremely painful experience for Eustace.  And so extremely necessary.

While it's hard to face my own ugliness, God has given Stephen an amazing capacity to forgive, fully and without any consequences.  That forgiveness, I have learned, is SO much healthier in a relationship than simple conflict avoidance.

2. The difference between heat and thorns.  This is one I first learned from a counselor (Steve Green from Impact Biblical Counseling), and marriage became my platform for putting it into practice.  It is tied to Jesus' teaching from Mark 7:20-23, where he says, "What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery,  coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”  To paraphrase Steve Green in his article "The Gospel Makes a Difference": You aren't angry at your spouse because they "made" you angry.  You are angry at them because deep down inside you have anger.  In metaphorical terms, your spouse's words or action are the heat that was applied to you--but the thorns that came to the surface in you were already there.  The heat just brought them out.  And the solution is to turn to the Cross in repentance for your thorns, and let Christ do His work to heal you from them.

This is not to say that your spouse has no thorns of his or her own.  For every fallen human being, thorns are a given!  But what we've learned is that it is not your job to make your spouse repent of his or her thorns.  That is the Holy Spirit's job.  Our job is to continually turn back to Christ to heal us from our own thorns, and to pray and trust the Holy Spirit to work on each other's thorns. 

Summer 2012

Our summer has been surprisingly eventful, particularly toward the end.  In July, we went on a vacation to the Washington coast with Stephen's parents and alllllll his siblings, including Mary and Tim and their two little ones, and also Cari's boyfriend, Eric.  We just spent a week at a resort town in the process of development, walking on the beach, hanging out and playing games at the house, swimming in the pool and relaxing in the hot tub.  We each took turns cooking dinner.  We had some very tasty steak-and-veggie kabobs by Cari and Eric, a yummy Mexican meal by Tim and Mary, and Stephen and I made spaghetti.  It was a very relaxing, laid-back vacation all together.


Shortly after the family vacation, Stephen shot his first paid wedding gig.  There is a lot invested in wedding days, so he was under a lot of stress leading up to the wedding day, and also some in the photo editing phase as well.  But he finished it, and the couple was very, very pleased with the photos, for which we are very thankful.


In August, one of my college friends got married, so I flew down to Idaho and stayed with my aunt, uncle, and cousin and attended Mindy's wedding, which was butterfly garden themed--very pretty!  They put a lot of humorous personal touches to their ceremony and the reception was one big, fun party, complete with a photo booth and props. :)  I got to catch up with some old friends and meet some new ones and had a really good weekend all together.  I am really glad I got to go.

My car's A/C stopped working sometime earlier this year, and we finally took it to get checked out in August, and found out we had to get a new part and the whole thing had to be reassembled.  God graciously provided the money for us, and we fixed it toward the end of August. In the same month, I had to get a new car key, because the buttons on my remote-entry car key didn't work anymore!  And today I got into a rear-end car accident (I was rear-ended by a car who was rear-ended by a car), but I'm not hurt at all and the damage to my car is very minimal.  The accident was not my fault at all, so insurance will be taking care of everything.

We've had an Indian summer this September, with temperatures in the high 80s and 90s.  I think the weather is trying to make up for the very cold and dark beginning of summer we had!  For now I am totally okay with sunshiny weather....I know those cold dark days are coming again!


Our church got a new music pastor, an answer to prayer after 3 years of searching for the right person.  Our church is now able to do so much more music-wise than we were before, because our temporary worship leader was doing so much other work in his position as Communications Director.  Now at our women's Bible study, Mark (the new worship pastor) comes and leads us in worship with a guitar, and we don't have to sing off a CD!  I am especially thankful for that.

Another answer to prayer is that Stephen got a nice raise this year, and we are so grateful for God's provision there!  Now it is actually a possibility for us to move into a bigger apartment, although we won't be taking advantage of that just yet.  For now it does ease up our budget some, and we'll hopefully be able to start putting more money toward debt repayment.

Overall, I think this year has been an incredible year of growth for us and our marriage.  I've grown in my faith in leaps and bounds, and as I've spiritually matured, I'm maturing in other ways.  Praise God for His faithfulness!  I sense good changes coming up for us.  I'm hoping to find my niche in the church we attend, although I'm not sure what that is yet.  And Stephen will be leading our regular small group Bible study again.  This year we will probably be going through 1 Corinthians to go along with our pastor's sermon series. You can pray for us through that.  We want to help our fellow brothers and sisters deepen their faith, as many of them are new Christians or just aren't sure how to grow deeper.  So you can be praying especially for Stephen as he bears the responsibility of teacher, and for me as I try to figure out where I fit into the mix.

Those are the biggest pieces of news.  Thank you for your prayers and your support!  You don't know how much it helps. :)

Domestically Challenged

This is the story of me attempting a new quiche recipe tonight:

At the grocery store.  What is WITH my cart?!  It's making sounds like it is grinding rocks into sand!!  HOW AWKWARD!!  Stupid cart-grinder haunted me the entire 20 minutes I was in the store.

 That's just the beginning.

Didn't know the difference between the creams.  Recipe called for "light cream"; I picked up whipping cream?  (My logic: Well, it doesn't say "light," but it doesn't say "heavy" like the one next to it!)  Wasn't sure how much was required so I bought the pint just to be safe.

Bought fully-cooked bacon to save myself some trouble.

At home.  Didn't double-check the amount of ingredients to add.

Heat up the oven to 425 degrees.

Minced an entire onion to DEATH, bound and determined to prove to myself that I can MINCE an onion!  I still didn't do it to my satisfaction, nonetheless...

Started sprinkling it into the pie pan.

Realized that is WAY THE HECK too much onion!!  Shook my head at the insanity of the onion-loving people who write these recipes.

Decided to use the second pie crust (WHY do they sell them only in twos??!?!!) and just make two quiches.  I sure hope we like this recipe, because we're going to have a TON of it!

Tried to chop up already-cooked bacon, which was not nearly crisp enough to be chopped.  Decided to just tear every piece by hand.  Sprinkled half in one pie pan, half in the other.  Knew it wasn't enough bacon per quiche, but decided it would just have to do.

Went back to the recipe.

Realized it only called for ONE THIRD OF AN ONION!!!!  Not an entire onion!!!

Scooped out as much onion as I could without scooping out all the bacon.  Realize the dough is getting way too soft because it's sitting on top of our oven, which is preheated by now.

Decided to start the filling part.  Vaguely worry if we have enough eggs for two quiches.  Find that we have exactly 8, which is exactly what is needed.  Hallelujah!  Cracked the eggs in a big bowl.

Went back to the recipe.

Realized it called for TWO CUPS of cream!  That's all I had!

Frantic, stressed-out trying to figure out how to substitute because I'm already late and SO do not want to make another trip to Freddy's. Plus, now I had eight eggs not being refrigerated and two crusts threatening to melt on me!

And I wasn't even sure if I had the right cream!

Quick computer research to see if anything substitutes for light cream (thank You, God, for the Internet!).  Decided that trying to melt butter was too much work.  Quick computer research to see what light cream actually is.  Half and half?  Whoops!  Oh well.  I'm sure a little extra creaminess will do no harm to this quiche.

So I have to go back to the store.  What to do about the partially-filled melting crusts and the perishing eggs?

Shove things aside in the fridge and put in the bowl of eggs.

Carefully balance two crusts in our over-full freezer.  :S

Turn off oven.  No fires for my apartment, thank you very much!

Back at the grocery store.  Run in, grab a pint of half-and-half, use the self-check, run out.

Back at home.  Turn oven back on.  Pull out crusts (thank You, God, that they didn't fall out of the freezer onto the floor) and eggs.  Pour cream and half and half into bowl of eggs.  Add salt, sugar, cayenne pepper.  Attempt to whisk.  My arm!!

Take a knife to both cheeses, guesstimating how much of a chunk I'm going to need to make 1 c. of each kind.  Grate, grate, grate, grate!!  Dumped a chunk of swiss cheese on the floor.  Used up the rest of the small pack of swiss--just barely enough for a cup!

Sprinkled in cheese.

Used a measuring cup to dole in cream mixture.  Didn't use it all because they would've overflowed!!

Carefully. Carefully.  Carefully.  Place both quiches in oven.

PHEW!!!

Epic conclusion to the story:
I dropped one of the quiches SPLAT on the oven door as I was trying to pull it out.

Sigh.

It had to be coming, right?

Perfect Quiche

Unlucky Quiche

Summer 2011 Update

Babies all around me! I have officially reached the stage of life where most of my friends are pregnant or new moms. Two of the couples in our small group had babies in the late winter, and the third couple is expecting in early to mid-September. We aren't entirely sure what is going to become of our group as the couples in it move to the next stage of life. My best friend is also expecting her first child in early October. I will hopefully get to see her in August when she has one of her baby showers!

Our own lives seem to be on hold until we reach a better financial position. We hear in August whether Stephen will be receiving a raise at his current job. I still work one day a week, Saturday, delivering flowers. I still love my job, but continue to look around for another part-time position that could fill my days and help with bills and saving up for a house.

Speaking of saving, I've begun saving up for an electric piano that regularly comes out toward the end of the year at CostCo. I took a fantastic piano workshop course that taught how to play the piano with chords instead of reading notes on a page--something I've been really anxious to learn since watching a college classmate play piano with a jazz band like it was nothing at all. I go up to my mom's to practice on her piano, but I can't wait until I have an electric piano of my own! I love to play the piano, even though I hate it when people listen...LOL. :)

My sister continues to serve the country on the east coast of the U.S., logging away airplane parts for the record books. She's also taking some dance classes. She's doing well, with the exception of some medical problems that keep surfacing. She's looking at deployment next year, which makes us nervous, of course...But we have to learn to trust God with our loved ones.

It's been a ridiculously cold and gray spring/summer on the west coast. We haven't had more than seven days above 70, and April and March were way wetter than normal. My husband keeps telling me summer never officially starts here until July 5th, but I sure am tired of the gray.

Stephen and I are part of the Marriage Ministry Team of our church, and we just put on a really fun murder mystery dessert theatre-- set in the wild, wild west! I got to play Annie Elmley, a sharpshooting cowgirl. I could almost have been the murderer, but it turned out to be the most seemingly innocuous character there! Isn't that always how it goes? :)

In the meantime, I continue to learn more and more about the Gospel. Did you know that the heart of the Gospel is simply Jesus' substitutionary sacrifice on the Cross? That that is how God dealt with His wrath against us for our sins? When I learned the truth of this, I was floored at the simplicity. I think I thought the Gospel was to be a good person to please God, and that Jesus somehow mysteriously enables us to do that. That is true, too, but it isn't the heart of the Gospel! Christianity is not about being a good person, but about the One who took our punishment.

I was part of a Women's Bible Study this winter/spring. I got to meet a lot of neat women at my church and am thankful to know more faces and names and personalities there. Countryside is a medium-big church and it's hard to get to know people unless you get involved. I'll be doing another women's Bible study this summer, led by our assistant pastor's wife in their home. We will be learning about a woman's identity in Christ and how it works out in her everyday life.

Stephen and I will also be official members of Countryside in the next month. We are thankful that we have found a good church to be a part of and get involved with.

New Year 2011

Well, we've gotten our new year off to a good start. We joined an 8-week Sunday night Bible study called "God's Big Picture." I also joined the women's mid-week Bible study at our church. We'll be going through Beth Moore's "Living Beyond Yourself" study until June. Our small group starts tonight, and we'll be taking them through a great study called A Biblical Portrait of Marriage. Stephen and I have been through it once before, but it will be new to our group. And I think it will be as helpful to them in their marriages as it was to ours.

The start of the new year also means dental work for me, usually, and this year has proved no different. Today I had a root canal re-treatment done on a tooth that was treated once before, but apparently the bacteria were never fully eliminated. The endodontist packed medication and antibiotics into my tooth today and we are hoping to see the infection disappear over the next week so she can refill the canals and I can get a new crown put on it. (The current crown is about 5 years old and in need of replacement.)

The root canal re-treatment and new crown will wipe out our benefits once more, so next year when our benefits roll over, we'll probably be doing this again, on a tooth on the upper left part of my mouth. It's the same situation: a failed root canal treatment in need of a redoing.

God was gracious to us today--we were worried that the tooth they worked on was cracked, and the good news today was that it wasn't cracked. So praise Him for that! A cracked tooth would have meant an extraction, and a replacement tooth costs about $6000! But He has provided for us once again and will continue to do so. I am thankful that the other tooth that needs working on is not bothering me much.

Well, that's all the news for now. I'm pleased that the year is getting off to a pretty good start. Praise the Lord for his goodness!

CHRISTMAS!

I am super excited about Christmas this year. I'm not sure if it's that we are planning on going to my grandparents' for Christmas, or if it's hoping that Christmas will be make up for a less-than-awesome rest of the year, or if it's the uplifting feeling of solidification in our marriage, or if it's a change in heart. But I'm really ready to decorate up for Christmas, light candles, drink spiced drinks, and let the lights of a Christmas tree reflecting in glass ornaments bedazzle me.

I've spent the last three or so years in deep cynicism and I think this year God has renewed my innocence and my childlike faith. I worry a bit that it'll go away again sometimes, but when I don't think about it, I simply dwell in peaceful joy of trust. I wish I had more moments like this across my lifetime. But for now I am so glad that God has brought me to this place of renewal.

And I Thought My Life Was Boring!

Well, THAT was exciting!!!

I was calmly sitting in the office, working on a special Christmas scrapbooking project. I was about to place a sticker down on a page when I heard feet scrambling up our staircase, a frantic hammering on our door and a muffled exclamation I almost couldn't make out. But after a second the words registered in my mind: "FIRE! GET OUT!"

I am slightly embarrassed to admit that no clear thoughts went through my head. I went into total panic. Paper pad and sticker in hand, my brain checked out and sheer survival mode kicked in. "What?!" I shouted to the door as I ran to it. "Where?!" As I opened it, I heard the manager say, "Over there!" Somewhere in the back of my brain, I noted the irony of seeing my manager clopping as fast as she could down the stairs in her suit jacket, pencil skirt and heels to go evacuate the other apartment dwellers, looking pretty panicked herself. Then I glanced to the right and saw a wall of orange flames leaping up from the front of one of the garages next to our apartment building. It felt like that moment in movies where you see a close-up of a terrified stare and the blazing fire reflecting in it.

I tore around the apartment trying to make sense of what to do. I still had a sticker on my hand and I couldn't pick anything up with that hand until I found somewhere to put the sticker down, and I couldn't just throw it away because it was the only one I had in that color and I NEEDED to put it on the paper, but I couldn't think straight enough to find the right spot in this state, so I ended up just plopping the paper pad down on the kitchen table and sticking the sticker on a receipt next to it. In my mind I had images of flames jumping from a tree to a house, or in this case a garage to a house, and my only thought was, "GET OUT!" I grabbed just my jacket and my purse and ran out the door, only thinking to grab my keys at the last minute because they were hanging on their hook next to the door. And then for some stupid reason I locked the door behind me. But the last image I had was Genevieve staring at me as I went out the door. And it suddenly dawned on me that if I left Genevieve in there and our house caught on fire--this thought was interrupted by a sudden flash of logic which cut my panic down to size. The fire trucks and fire fighters were already here and already dousing the fire and it was nowhere near enough to the apartment to catch it on fire, and the wind was blowing the other direction.

My thoughts started making more sense, but I was still shaken up. If I wasn't in danger, should I go back into the apartment? But the manager had told us to get out. And dozens of families were standing outside their apartments. She probably didn't want us back in until it was under control. That made sense anyway.

I called Stephen's cell. He didn't answer, so I called his work number, praying he would answer. Thankfully, he did. I watched the thick, billowing smoke and couldn't even think how to begin for a moment. Finally I told him everything that had happened so far--the knock on the door, seeing the fire, grabbing my coat and purse. "Did you grab anything else?" he asked.

"No," I said. "Not even Genevieve!" And then I just rambled to him, processing out loud. "Should I go back in and get things? It's not reaching over to our apartment."

"Maybe our laptops, and the network drive," said Stephen.

We talked for several minutes as I watched the fire being taken under control. Our neighbor with the 5 kids went back into the house at one point briefly, and came back out with her children's jackets. I agreed to get the laptops and network drive out of the house and just at least put them in our car.

At one point, I finally said, "I wish you were here." Stephen said he could probably call his boss and explain the situation and ask if he could come home, at least temporarily. That sounded good to me. "I'll call you back," Stephen said and we hung up.

A minute later he called. "I'm coming home!" he announced.

After we hung up again, I decided to go get the computers and network drive. It was more out of a kind of follow-through with what I said, though, because by now the fire was out and there was just smoke. It was a little scary being in the apartment--I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be or not, and it made me nervous not being able to see the fire through to its bitter end and make SURE it was out. I didn't want to stay in there, not knowing, for long.

People were still standing outside, watching. I watched with them as the firefighters came around the back of the garage with a chainsaw and some picks and things. They sawed open the back of the garage and took it off in pieces. Everybody got closer, LOL. One of my neighbors had gotten out his digital camera and was taking pictures. Several people were taking cell phone shots.

We were already losing daylight, but I could see the remains of a charred car in there. Smoke still swirled up at the top of the roof. One little boy called out to a little girl asking what happened. I wish I could have understood what she said, but all I caught was, "He got burned here," and saw the girl gesture to her left forearm.

Stephen finally arrived and we stood watching the excitement for a few minutes. A little smoke still swirled out, but the firemen were cleaning up. I wasn't ready to go into the apartment until I heard it was okay, so Stephen and I asked a fireman as he rolled up the fire hose. "Yeah, the apartments are fine," said the fireman confidently. "You can go back in." Phew!!

Stephen left shortly afterward. I brought back in the laptop and network drive, still a little nervous about doing so. I'll tell you one thing I learned from this experience. We are NOT prepared in any way for the event of a real fire on our house. When Steve and I were on the phone, we talked about writing up a 5-step plan or something to help us get what's important out of the house if it does catch on fire. And I also learned that I really need to clean up, because it was extremely difficult to run around and get anything done or even get TO the important stuff with the current state of our house. Scary! So maybe this was a little extra motivation from God to get my house cleaned up. :) And also extra motivation for fire safety... I will never doubt Stephen again when he tells us to keep things away from the baseboards!

The Price of a Microwave

How many Wal-Mart employees does it take to find the price of one microwave oven?

Let me tell you a story.

Back story: Our microwave went kaput last week. I did tons of research to see where the best place was to get microwaves at the lowest prices, and what were the best brands to get. Walmart had tons of reviews on many of its microwaves, and a lot of them had 5 stars. The best reviewed microwaves that were in our price range were Osters, Panasonics, and GEs. The worst reviews were on Emersons.

So with this knowledge in hand, Stephen and I drove to the nearest, safest Walmart, 17 miles away.

We found our way to the microwave aisle and all we saw on the price tags of the display items and the boxes below the display shelf were Emersons. However... On the display shelf, without a price tag, a UPC tag, a box, or any indication that the store even carried the brand anymore, was one Oster microwave.

I wanted that one, of course. But we wanted to know the price first. For that, we'd have to find a customer service representative.

...Right. Because Walmart has such a stellar track record for customer service.

Thankfully, we heard walkie-talkies bleeping nearby. So Stephen followed his ears and chased down 3 employees (employees #1, 2 and 3) pushing 2 carts that had two very large, heavy-looking objects in them. "Excuse me," said my ever-considerate husband. "We need some help finding a price on a microwave."

The three of them looked at us for a blank moment, and then one finally said, "We'll call someone for you."

Uh-huh.

30 seconds later we heard the announcement over the intercom: "Customer Service Representative in or near the housewares department to the microwave aisle for customer assistance please." Not bad response time... At least to call somebody...

Minutes went by.

Nobody came.

So I went off to find somebody, anybody. After traversing several aisles, I snagged an employee (person #4) as soon as he stopped talking to a customer, and asked him if he could help us in the microwave aisle, or call somebody who could. "I'll call someone," he said. So again we hear over the intercom: "Customer Service Representative in or near the housewares department to the microwave aisle for customer assistance please." Surely two calls would do it.

Minutes went by.

No one came.

So Stephen and I decided that if they can't come to the microwave aisle, we'll bring the microwave to them. We took the microwave we wanted off the display shelf and plopped it into our cart and rolled it over to Electronics. We explained the situation to a lady (employee #5) behind the Electronics desk. When it became known that we had taken a demo off the shelves, she said very sternly, "We do not sell our demos." Stephen and I were slightly chagrinned, until she added, "Unless we no longer carry the product anymore."

Stephen asked matter-of-factly, "Well! Can you tell us, then, if you still carry the product or not?" (I am so thankful for my straightforward, quick-thinking husband! :D )

"Well, I'll have to scan it to find out," she said. Stephen explained to her that there was nothing to scan. There was no tag on the product, as we had just shown her. There was no way of identifying the product.

Not so easily persuaded, she came out of her little stand, walked all 15 feet to the microwave aisle, and took a look at where our microwave had been.

Immediately, she picked up the price tag that was under where our microwave had been sitting and began to scan it. Even though it clearly said Emerson, and we had already clearly told her that our microwave was an Oster. I took the liberty of re-explaining to her: "That price tag is for an Emerson microwave. Ours is an Oster. There is not a single Oster to be found anywhere else in the entire aisle."

Surprised, she stepped back and surveyed the products. "Oh--oh!" she said. "I see your frustration!" She then proceeded to search again all over the microwave for a UPC tag of any kind. "Oh wow," she said when she finally decided for herself that there was, in fact, no tag at all. "I'm afraid I can't help you with that, if there's no tag. I'll have to call a manager."

So off she went to find a manager. Well, at least she was going to get somebody to help.

More minutes waiting.

Aaaaand more minutes.

It was a good thing Stephen and I were in unusually patient and good-humored moods today. :) (Honestly, I think it had something to do with me deciding not to work Mondays anymore, so we could have our Mondays back together.)

Finally, a girl wandered into our aisle (employee #5), presumably the employee finally responding to the two original calls for help in the microwave aisle. She also checked all over the microwave for a UPC tag, and then repeated what the lady had said: "I can't help you if there's no tag. I'll have to find a manager." We explained to her that the other lady was already off finding us a manager. So she went off, but soon she was back with the electronics lady. They stood looking at the microwave, perplexed, talking amongst themselves while we watched.

Then a young man came over (employee #6). He was about 30, with 3 days' growth of facial hair and no teeth. Or very few teeth. He never opened his mouth far enough for me to find out, but he spoke with his lips curled in a bit as if he had no teeth.

The other employees recapped him on the incident, and his intelligent response was: "Wow, I have no idea how to handle that." So the five of us stood looking at the microwave, until the lady and the girl left again. The guy hung around, and started talking about how factories sell the same product under different labels. "I think this one also sells under Sunbeam label," he told us. And he left momentarily to check his knowledge, but when he came back, his conclusion was, "Nope, totally different product."

The women still weren't back. Apparently he thought his job was to entertain customers until real help was finally brought. He entertained us with a riveting speech on how he learned from somebody that at the Del Monte factory, they stop in the middle of processing, switch the labels to Western Family labels, and then restart processing. Same product, different labels. "You really do pay for the name," he said. Wise man.

He dilly-dallied around some more until the women reentered, with yet another employee in tow (employee #7). Apparently he took that as his cue to go "entertain" some other customer. The new employee was dressed in a nice shirt and black pinstripe pants. Ahhh, here is the real manager! "Sorry, I just came in from lunch...," she apologized. Then she and the other women stood looking at the microwave, contemplating how they were going to find out which microwave it was, when Stephen finally opened up the microwave, pulled out the user manual, and said, "Perhaps you could try looking it up by model number?"

Lightbulbs. "Ohh! Yeah, we could do that..." The manager explained that the employees would have to go to a computer in the back room to look up the model and find the UPC code. The manager left to go put her stuff away, while the girl and the lady wandered around to the other side of the shelf. We heard the lady saying distractedly, "We'll have to find another product of the same brand, another Emerson."

Um, it was Oster?

Stephen and I continued listening as the two of them rounded the aisle, talking. I must've heard Emerson three times before the lady finally caught herself: "I mean--what was it? Not Emerson. Oyster. Oyster. We've got to find another Oyster product..."

She kept saying "Oyster" until her voice faded away.

More minutes.

The manager and the girl returned, separately. The girl told her manager she had found the microwave, and that it cost $85, and the manager asked, "Did you write down the number?"

"No," said the girl.

Sigh.

Off she went to go find the UPC number again.

The manager stayed only long enough to tell us that we would get a discount on the microwave, and then left us alone again in the microwave aisle.

Stephen and I were still, amazingly, in good humor about this, just snickering at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. But our legs were tired by now. Since Walmart was being ridiculous anyway, we decided to add to the ridiculousness. And sat down on the floor to wait.

At last, the girl returned, with the UPC code in hand. "Sorry about the wait," she apologized. "Will you guys take it for $49?" she asked us.

Even with all the drama and absurdity, I thought $49 was a pretty awesome price to pay for a $85 microwave! I agreed, but probably a little too quickly....Whoops. Stephen was more hesitant. "Will we be able to return it if it breaks?" he asked wisely.

"No," said the girl. "Since we don't carry it anymore, we can't take it back."

"What if it's dead on arrival?" Stephen asked.

"No," said the girl firmly. "We can't accept returns on discontinued items."

"Can we at least check and see if it works?" Stephen asked.

I would never have thought to ask that question. I'm glad he did, though. The girl seemed surprised, but the answer was not "no."

"Um, yeah, if you can just find an outlet--I think there's one over here," she said. She led us around a corner to a display shelf with outlets cleverly tucked behind it, out of sight. I had NO idea that stores would let you do that kind of thing. But she waited while we cleared off the shelf, put up the microwave, and plugged it in. Stephen put his lukewarm coffee into the microwave for one minute. We three calmly waited for all of 35 seconds, and then he pulled out the coffee to test it. It was warm enough that when he took the lid off it steamed up his glasses.

"Okay, we'll take it," we said. We unplugged it, redid the shelf, and plopped the microwave back into our cart.

The drama didn't quite end there. LOL. When we got up to the register, with our handwritten UPC code, we announced to the cashier, "You get us! We're fun!"

I loved her response, a very good-natured, "Good! I like fun." Haha!

And sure enough, it was indeed "fun"! She punched in the code. "Item not found" read the digital sign above the cash register. "Is that a zero or a 6?" she asked us.

"Well--I guess you can just try both until one works," I helpfully suggested.

She tried it again. "Item not found." Again. "Item not found." She tried about 3 more times until one finally worked. "Digital Oven - $49.00" the sign read. "Yaaayy!" we all cheered. (Okay, just I cheered. :) ) We paid for it and as we started to walk away, the cashier said, still in good spirits, "You're right! That was fun!"

So our crazy experience ended on a good note. :D And we now have a microwave that turns on AND heats up our food. Woohoo!

And if it breaks, well, we'll just have to call Oster.

Thank you, Walmart, for your stellar customer service. We now know that the price of a microwave is 7 employees (8, including the cashier!), an hour of our time, a no-return policy, and a discount because you are absolutely ridiculous.

Wisdom from Another

I felt like standing up and applauding after reading this blog from a mother of four. Brilliantly spoken.

Summer 2010 in Review

Summer is ending... Stephen gets home just before the sun sets now.  Most of the flowers are done blooming.  All day long the sunlight is redder, and the wheat fields are gold.  Even some of the trees are starting to turn colors already (much to my disbelief!).  Last Sunday as we drove out to the Coast to camp, a huge line of cars was in the returning lane of traffic--families coming home from their "last hurrah of summer" trips.

Our summer has passed by with a rather flat feel.  Our small group had their regular events--a beach day, a camp-out, and a movie night--but many of the events we had to attend late or were unable to attend because of my Saturday job.  And the group has changed in dynamic and feel.  Our old group leaders' baby is nearly 7 months old now, and two other couples are now expecting.  Another couple has found a different church to call home, and another couple we haven't seen much of at all this summer because of busy schedules.

Stephen has taken on the roll of leader again for the fall, but I won't be taking on the secondhand-man's responsibility of coordinating events or keeping the group up-to-date with e-mails as I did last time.  I'm simply not gifted in those ways.  I may be a writer, but it doesn't immediately make me a good coordinating communicator. :)

Our summer has even been slow photographically.  We didn't get out on any hikes at all.  Stephen took a few days to himself to take photographs, while I was at work or otherwise engaged, but I have only taken pictures of the arrangements I have done.

This next year is going to be full of a lot of change and transitioning, things I have never taken very well.  But some of them I am excited about--I took a second floristry class this summer and did really well in it.  I am also being blessed with opportunities to do more than just deliver flowers at my work.  I made my best arrangement yet today, and my supervisor and manager seem to have been impressed, which is incredibly exciting.  I sense that God's going to do something big in my life with flowers, and I haven't been so excited about something since I met Stephen!  :D

Another exciting thing is that my relationship with God seems to be entering into a growth spurt.  I have sensed reasons for things in my life that I would never have seen reasons for before.  I have even started doing personal devotions, something I haven't been successful at since...let's see...ever!  But I have asked others to keep me uplifted in prayer so that I can continue this pattern.

Stephen and I are coming up on our second anniversary, and I'm happy to say that we are much more solidified than we were in our first year.  We act so much more like a unit, which I was really not sure was going to happen while we were in our first year together, LOL.  God is good. :)

Some fun things we did this summer:

• Went camping at Beverly Beach together, just the two of us.
• I learned to sew and made myself a cloak.
• Found some clothes at a yard sale, and Battle of the Sexes.
• Cooked our own meals for 2.5 weeks!  (A big step for us.  Eating out is such a temptation!)
• Went to the beach several times.
• Used our Entertainment Book a lot (yessssss!).
• Had a lot of really good talks. :)

Overall, I'm glad the summer is ending.  I wish it had had more high notes and less flat ones.  But life's pendulum keeps swinging--it'll be up again soon.  Guaranteed.  It's like the seasons--no matter how terrible the winter, spring does follow with its new beginnings.

A Tearful Goodbye

We said goodbye to the refugees tonight.

It was rather sudden. They are moving to Pennsylvania, in hopes of finding jobs over there.

I always knew our time with them would be temporary. Last week when I learned that Samira and her dad were in Pennsylvania, I kind of felt that our time with them was coming to a fast close. The rest of the family joins them a week from today, July 7. We helped them look for flights today.

We didn't get to say goodbye to Samira and Said. In a way, that was almost better, because it would have been really, really hard to say goodbye to Samira. I really learned to love that girl, and toward the end she was really starting to trust me.

I started crying when we left tonight. Then Soher and Salima (the mother) started crying. We hugged a lot, and they called over Sara, who was at a neighbor's house, to say goodbye, too. It was extremely difficult. But it was such a relief, in a way, to see them cry--to know that they loved us, too. That it wasn't a one-way relationship.

Sometimes I think the cultural and language differences made our relationship even more meaningful than it would have been otherwise. They didn't hear our words; they saw our actions. We visited them faithfully every week, helped them with whatever they needed every week, and I think that spoke much more to them than words ever could, Arabic, English or otherwise.

I also think the cultural and language differences made the goodbyes more real. With them, there was none of this meaningless, "We'll keep in touch," said with a polite nod and smile and an anxious get-me-out-of-here-quick look behind the eyes. No--those American rules of etiquette were irrelevant here. We cried, and they cried. And we hugged, obeying the deepest, most honest desires of our hearts. It gave us closure.

Closure is something we all seek at the end of an era, a chapter, a friendship. So many times I think we obey the rules of society instead of the rules of our hearts, and we don't get that closure. America doesn't like goodbyes, I don't think.

The refugees are nomads; their time in Portland, and with us, was always temporary. In a way, their lifestyle better reflects the truth of our existence than the American way does. We are all temporary residents here. One day we'll all say our goodbyes.

I have lots more thoughts on goodbyes, but I think I've said enough for tonight. It's time to take my tears and rest on God, and sleep with peace in His arms.

Floral Delivery

Another answer to prayer! Back over Mother's Day weekend, I delivered flowers for a local florist for two days. Friday didn't go very well, but Saturday went great.

I had applied to be their regular Saturday driver when the position was open, but they ended up hiring someone else. Today, though, I got a call from them telling me their Saturday driver had gotten a full-time job and was not going to deliver for them anymore.... So they asked if I was still interested! I said yes, of course. I go in Friday for some instruction, and then hopefully I'll start Saturday.

I'm excited and nervous all at once. I can't wait to see where this leads. I genuinely hope this is my "in" into floristry.

I could say a lot more, but I need to head out for volunteer work. If anyone reads this, please continue to keep me in your prayers as I head into this new job. Thanks!

Good news and good news!

From an e-mail I sent my prayer group:

Isn't it wonderful when God answers prayer? Praise God for his faithfulness to us. We found out today that Tooth #15, since it isn't causing me any problems, does NOT need an immediate retreatment! In fact, the endodontist told me we can wait until next year, when my benefits roll over again! I cannot stop thanking God for his goodness in this respect.

I did have my sixth root canal on Tooth #14 on Saturday. It went well, all things considered. Everything did get completely taken care of, and the procedure itself was not painful. But the numbness wore off at the end and so my mouth was really sore for the last 15-20 minutes, while they finished up. But they took x-rays and saw that the canals were completely finished, and we were able to pay for it out of our savings. Next week I'll be getting the crown for that tooth seated, then that should be IT for major dental procedures this year!

We are so, so thankful that we won't have to get Tooth #15 worked on until next year. Thank you so much for all the prayers you have been sending our way. God is good. :)

Bad News, More Bad News, and Semi-Good News

An e-mail I sent to my "circle of prayers":

Well, keep me in your prayers. Tooth #14 is set for a root canal treatment on Saturday at 12:30.

It's been giving me a lot of pain in the last 4 days, day and night. I've been on ibuprofen pretty regularly. So on Saturday I go in to see the endodontist (the doctor who does the root canal treatments) to get it taken care of.

That's the bad news. The more bad news is about Tooth #15, my backmost upper-left tooth. I had a root canal treatment (RCT) done on that one about 4 years ago, in Nampa. So the nerves are gone, so I don't feel any pain, but apparently there is still something going on with it. In the x-rays, there's a pocket of dark area at the end of the roots of the tooth, in the bone. That usually means an infection.

I have a few options from here: a retreatment of the infected area, endodontic surgery, or extraction. Retreatment would be ideal, as it most closely resembles a regular RCT. Endodontic is a bit more invasive and would be necessary if adequate access to the infected area weren't possible by the usual means. Extraction is the most expensive of the three options, as artificial teeth cost thousands of dollars, so we pray very hard that we won't have to resort to that.

Tooth #15 will also need a crown. It should have had one years ago, back when the root canal was first performed, but I know that I was in college at the time and probably opted for the cheaper route of just having it filled. Unfortunately, choosing the cheaper option then may have prevented me from needing a retreatment on this tooth now.

Please continue to pray that God will provide for us. The semi-good news is that He already has provided some: Stephen found and signed up for a discount plan for the cost of these dental procedures, and it saved us $74 on cleaning, x-rays and an exam today, and it will probably end up saving us several hundred dollars in the long run. Praise God for that! But the cost will still put pressure on us with our current means. It would be great if I could get a job, or if Stephen could get a raise or a promotion. More practically and right now, just pray that we will be able to manage our money exceedingly well. All of these things would really help, and they are, of course, possible with God.

Thank you for your prayers and any encouragement you can offer.

Tooth Updates II and III

Whoops, forgot to keep this blog up-to-date! A couple weeks ago, they cleaned out the old filling and the new decay, and determined that the tooth was going to need a crown for sure. The root canal question was still hanging in the balance. Went in today again, and the doctor cold-tested my tooth for response time, and said that it was within the normal response time. YAY! So far so good. So they did the crown prep and put on a temporary crown. He told me that if it is still really abnormally sensitive after 5-7 days, to call in to make a root canal appointment. So me, Stephen and my circle of prayer warriors (love you guys) will continue to pray very hard that that tooth behaves itself, and a root canal won't be needed at all. That'd be AWESOME.

In other news, I had the happy fortune of landing a two-day floral delivery job last week. A local florist needed extra help for Mother's Day deliveries and hired me! WOOHOO! It was super tough the first day, but really nice the second. I officially have my foot in the door! Praise God! On Friday I'll be going in to pick up my paycheck and am trying to determine how to leave a good impression there as I do so. I'm chiefly trying to decide if I should ask about them taking me in for an unpaid internship. The idea scares me to death, but it could be worth asking.

Oh, and this is exciting news--or at least we think so. We're going to see my grandparents in June! For a week this time, or just shy of one. I'm totally stoked, and Stephen's really happy about it too, which makes me even gladder. :D Both of us thought our last trip felt just too short, so we're glad for a chance to make a longer one.