A Tearful Goodbye

We said goodbye to the refugees tonight.

It was rather sudden. They are moving to Pennsylvania, in hopes of finding jobs over there.

I always knew our time with them would be temporary. Last week when I learned that Samira and her dad were in Pennsylvania, I kind of felt that our time with them was coming to a fast close. The rest of the family joins them a week from today, July 7. We helped them look for flights today.

We didn't get to say goodbye to Samira and Said. In a way, that was almost better, because it would have been really, really hard to say goodbye to Samira. I really learned to love that girl, and toward the end she was really starting to trust me.

I started crying when we left tonight. Then Soher and Salima (the mother) started crying. We hugged a lot, and they called over Sara, who was at a neighbor's house, to say goodbye, too. It was extremely difficult. But it was such a relief, in a way, to see them cry--to know that they loved us, too. That it wasn't a one-way relationship.

Sometimes I think the cultural and language differences made our relationship even more meaningful than it would have been otherwise. They didn't hear our words; they saw our actions. We visited them faithfully every week, helped them with whatever they needed every week, and I think that spoke much more to them than words ever could, Arabic, English or otherwise.

I also think the cultural and language differences made the goodbyes more real. With them, there was none of this meaningless, "We'll keep in touch," said with a polite nod and smile and an anxious get-me-out-of-here-quick look behind the eyes. No--those American rules of etiquette were irrelevant here. We cried, and they cried. And we hugged, obeying the deepest, most honest desires of our hearts. It gave us closure.

Closure is something we all seek at the end of an era, a chapter, a friendship. So many times I think we obey the rules of society instead of the rules of our hearts, and we don't get that closure. America doesn't like goodbyes, I don't think.

The refugees are nomads; their time in Portland, and with us, was always temporary. In a way, their lifestyle better reflects the truth of our existence than the American way does. We are all temporary residents here. One day we'll all say our goodbyes.

I have lots more thoughts on goodbyes, but I think I've said enough for tonight. It's time to take my tears and rest on God, and sleep with peace in His arms.

Floral Delivery

Another answer to prayer! Back over Mother's Day weekend, I delivered flowers for a local florist for two days. Friday didn't go very well, but Saturday went great.

I had applied to be their regular Saturday driver when the position was open, but they ended up hiring someone else. Today, though, I got a call from them telling me their Saturday driver had gotten a full-time job and was not going to deliver for them anymore.... So they asked if I was still interested! I said yes, of course. I go in Friday for some instruction, and then hopefully I'll start Saturday.

I'm excited and nervous all at once. I can't wait to see where this leads. I genuinely hope this is my "in" into floristry.

I could say a lot more, but I need to head out for volunteer work. If anyone reads this, please continue to keep me in your prayers as I head into this new job. Thanks!

Good news and good news!

From an e-mail I sent my prayer group:

Isn't it wonderful when God answers prayer? Praise God for his faithfulness to us. We found out today that Tooth #15, since it isn't causing me any problems, does NOT need an immediate retreatment! In fact, the endodontist told me we can wait until next year, when my benefits roll over again! I cannot stop thanking God for his goodness in this respect.

I did have my sixth root canal on Tooth #14 on Saturday. It went well, all things considered. Everything did get completely taken care of, and the procedure itself was not painful. But the numbness wore off at the end and so my mouth was really sore for the last 15-20 minutes, while they finished up. But they took x-rays and saw that the canals were completely finished, and we were able to pay for it out of our savings. Next week I'll be getting the crown for that tooth seated, then that should be IT for major dental procedures this year!

We are so, so thankful that we won't have to get Tooth #15 worked on until next year. Thank you so much for all the prayers you have been sending our way. God is good. :)

Bad News, More Bad News, and Semi-Good News

An e-mail I sent to my "circle of prayers":

Well, keep me in your prayers. Tooth #14 is set for a root canal treatment on Saturday at 12:30.

It's been giving me a lot of pain in the last 4 days, day and night. I've been on ibuprofen pretty regularly. So on Saturday I go in to see the endodontist (the doctor who does the root canal treatments) to get it taken care of.

That's the bad news. The more bad news is about Tooth #15, my backmost upper-left tooth. I had a root canal treatment (RCT) done on that one about 4 years ago, in Nampa. So the nerves are gone, so I don't feel any pain, but apparently there is still something going on with it. In the x-rays, there's a pocket of dark area at the end of the roots of the tooth, in the bone. That usually means an infection.

I have a few options from here: a retreatment of the infected area, endodontic surgery, or extraction. Retreatment would be ideal, as it most closely resembles a regular RCT. Endodontic is a bit more invasive and would be necessary if adequate access to the infected area weren't possible by the usual means. Extraction is the most expensive of the three options, as artificial teeth cost thousands of dollars, so we pray very hard that we won't have to resort to that.

Tooth #15 will also need a crown. It should have had one years ago, back when the root canal was first performed, but I know that I was in college at the time and probably opted for the cheaper route of just having it filled. Unfortunately, choosing the cheaper option then may have prevented me from needing a retreatment on this tooth now.

Please continue to pray that God will provide for us. The semi-good news is that He already has provided some: Stephen found and signed up for a discount plan for the cost of these dental procedures, and it saved us $74 on cleaning, x-rays and an exam today, and it will probably end up saving us several hundred dollars in the long run. Praise God for that! But the cost will still put pressure on us with our current means. It would be great if I could get a job, or if Stephen could get a raise or a promotion. More practically and right now, just pray that we will be able to manage our money exceedingly well. All of these things would really help, and they are, of course, possible with God.

Thank you for your prayers and any encouragement you can offer.

Tooth Updates II and III

Whoops, forgot to keep this blog up-to-date! A couple weeks ago, they cleaned out the old filling and the new decay, and determined that the tooth was going to need a crown for sure. The root canal question was still hanging in the balance. Went in today again, and the doctor cold-tested my tooth for response time, and said that it was within the normal response time. YAY! So far so good. So they did the crown prep and put on a temporary crown. He told me that if it is still really abnormally sensitive after 5-7 days, to call in to make a root canal appointment. So me, Stephen and my circle of prayer warriors (love you guys) will continue to pray very hard that that tooth behaves itself, and a root canal won't be needed at all. That'd be AWESOME.

In other news, I had the happy fortune of landing a two-day floral delivery job last week. A local florist needed extra help for Mother's Day deliveries and hired me! WOOHOO! It was super tough the first day, but really nice the second. I officially have my foot in the door! Praise God! On Friday I'll be going in to pick up my paycheck and am trying to determine how to leave a good impression there as I do so. I'm chiefly trying to decide if I should ask about them taking me in for an unpaid internship. The idea scares me to death, but it could be worth asking.

Oh, and this is exciting news--or at least we think so. We're going to see my grandparents in June! For a week this time, or just shy of one. I'm totally stoked, and Stephen's really happy about it too, which makes me even gladder. :D Both of us thought our last trip felt just too short, so we're glad for a chance to make a longer one.

Tooth Update/God's Provision

I went to the dentist a couple weeks ago to get my crown seated; all that went well and is paid for, so now we are just waiting on news of this second tooth that might need dental work done. I have made an appointment that will be next Thursday (the 29th) to look at this other tooth. It'll go like this: When I go in on Thursday, the dentist will drill out the old filling in my tooth. Once he has gotten it all out, he will be able to determine two things: 1) if the filling is big enough that I'm going to have to have another crown, and 2) if the new decay is close enough to the root that the root is exposed and compromised and will have to be removed. One, the other, or both things are likely, and the dentist seems to realize this, but as a rule, nothing is absolutely positive until he gets into it and sees what the circumstances are.

I would like to add that we have really been blessed. In the last couple weeks, God has provided some of the cost of a root canal/crown combination through the generosity of friends and family. We are no longer worried about having to empty out our savings and pay for the dental work on credit. Praise God for his love for us!

Pray that despite the ease of this burden, we still have the strength to live carefully within our means. It's so much easier and more convenient to eat out all the time, and it has been difficult to fully make the transition to eating in more than we eat out. Continue to pray that God will bless me with a job, preferably in floristry, and that he will grant me the courage to go out looking for one. Thank you for your prayers and support. We wouldn't be anywhere without our loving friends and family, and the God that inspires the love within them.

Lessons in Materialism

I've been receiving some difficult lessons in materialism lately. With the new root canal and crown going in, money is super tight--way more than it's ever been before. We are cooking a lot at home, and have really had to cut back on our spending. I definitely do not get to buy new clothes or make-up or other nice things, which has been a lot more difficult than I like to admit.

God's way of teaching me that everything I own is His, not mine, is to bring me to the point of fear where I start envisioning all our household belongings, one by one, being stripped from us, to pay off debts and bills. I've read about that happening in books and I've seen it in movies. It might be a tad bit dramatic for a middle-class American, but boy, is it an effective lesson! I always end up crying, but after I cry and grieve, I find I've let go of all those belongings and entrusted my life back to God. It's sure not easy, but it's needed to break the hold all those things have on me.

That's just for me personally. Right now Stephen and I together are having a lesson in trusting God to provide for our needs. Another root canal and crown may be coming up for me, and we do not have the funds for it. Last year we were fortunate enough to get a large tax refund, but this year, our tax refund was quite small and has already been spent. We've signed up for a line of health credit, which we sincerely hope we don't have to use. We will use it if God doesn't provide the funds in other ways, but we're waiting to see what He does.

One of Stephen's favorite Bible verses to quote in tough times like this is a verse in Proverbs: "The horses are ready for battle, but the victory is the Lord's." He interprets it to mean that we should prepare in wise ways for times of financial difficulty, but ultimately everything is up to God. It's a tough line to walk.

We find out whether the second tooth is going to be a root canal on April 14th, when I go in for my 1st crown. The dentist is going into it as if it is simply a re-filling, but if he gets in there and it turns out my tooth's root is exposed, it's another root canal for me. For now we play the waiting game. And pray and hope.

In one small side-note--I had a job interview on Saturday! My first one in a year! It was with UPS--I just responded to a Craigslist ad, and they were holding all interviews the next day. It's just part-time and minimum wage. I find out at the end of the week what they decide. (More waiting!) That's all the news... Thanks for your prayers. A blessed Easter to you all.

One of my friend's Facebook statuses:
"As long as the tomb is empty, it doesn't matter as much about the milk jug, or the bank account, or the gas tank."

Wow, to have that kind of perspective! :)